Today has been bad

I have always had comfort in my camera, if I were facing any form of hard ship, if it were self body image issues, family issues, depression, or anything , my camera was the one thing to bring me comfort and joy, I could get lost in hours of taking photography, rushing home looking through all the pictures while playing music and getting lost in it all, and feeling proud.

The past 24 hours has been full on Murphy's Law, if it can go wrong it will go wrong. The worst part for me, was breaking my camera, it feel off the tripod and the lens itself broke, and the attachment ring the holds the lens is busted. I can not afford a replacement not even repairs.

I think the word devastated fits the situation.

Creating is who I am, it's what motivates me to live, to try, to feel proud.

I am just feeling so lost right now......

Hopefully one day, I will get a camera back in my hands and feel right again.

I can't feel ok without my camera it's an extension of my soul, and it's gone.

Humility reminders to stay humble.

Coming soon.

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: What is it we want to see?

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: What is it we want to see?: "I am currently tucked away in my office , with my good pal insomnia .... I have a candle burning brightly beside me, a Thomas Newman song ..."

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: Hammers and Nails, and My Deck Building Fails.

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: Hammers and Nails, and My Deck Building Fails.: "So for the past two days, my husband has been building a handicap deck for his father so he can access our house easier, and now that his fa..."

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: To smile or not to smile? Why is that a question?

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: To smile or not to smile? Why is that a question?: "So, as the night has come upon me, I am sitting in my rocking chair, going over all my thoughts and emotions that has been running through ..."

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: Charming life.

Adventures of ShutterBug Photography.: Charming life.: "Symphonies of wind and whispers ring in my ears , grass softly passing under my feet, running running running, following the stream , diving..."

Charming life.

Symphonies of wind and whispers ring in my ears , grass softly passing under my feet, running running running, following the stream , diving , swirling, drifting.

Looking towards the sun from under the gentle passing waves of water, it welcomes me, looking lovingly  down on me, bubbles of air escape me, dancing around my face and hair, laughing at secrets that I do not yet know.

Silvery dancing fish, swimming peacefully , teasing me with their grace .

Slowly melting down, pond weed at my feet, tracing the lines of my legs, dancing it's secretive dance.

The world around me full of secrets, winds, and suns , fish and weeds, charming me until my last gasp of breath...

I'm gone, swaying away, the stars and moon have me now, secrets unfolding , stories recalled, dances undone,

charming little life it was.

To smile or not to smile? Why is that a question?

So,  as the night has come upon me, I am sitting in my rocking chair, going over all my thoughts and emotions that has been running through my head like leaves tumbling down the street.

One thought that I seem to can not shake actually happened today as I was running errands .

I was at the grocery and looking at the products on the shelf ( baking ingredients ) as I look up, a young man who was stocking shelves, proudly and very eagerly smiled at me, actually stood there smiling as if to say "Hello" He stood and smiled longer than I would expect anyone stranger to smile at someone.

My first thought to myself was "Why does he look so happy?" then I rationalized with myself and said he probably wants to help me, if I am looking over products and it's the day before Good Friday , he might actually want to be helpful, I returned the smile grabbed some cream cheese frosting and was one my way.

Now as I am looking through more groceries I suddenly think to myself, why would I wonder why someone looks happy as they smile?!?!?! It was a legitimate smile, not one of those fake through the teeth, painful smiles that people tend to force ( As a photographer I do everything in my power to prevent those) A REAL SMILE, a happy "How do you do?" smile!   

I suddenly realized to myself that when "out and about" so many people carry sad , angry, tired , lonesome faces, that to see a beautiful smile , has actually shocked me.

I started focusing in on people and many if not most, just seemed weary for the worst, and this saddened me beyond belief,  so many carry such stress, and it shows through their eyes.

 So I started smiling at those around me, some look baffled and some looked almost angry at the thought of me even considering it. For those who actually returned the gesture had sad smiles.......

What a thing to have, a "sad smile"  ( this depresses me )

I have always believed you can tell a life time by someone's eyes, the lightness in them, they give off so much information, you can everything through the eyes of people, and they are a dead give away when someone is faking a smile. 

I suppose I have been so wrapped up in my world and the world of those that I love that I have not really paid mind to those that smile at me when I come across them. 

So what has happened to us? Why are we confused and why are some of us annoyed at those who dare spring a bit of joy in our directions?

I will in fact start smiling as much as I can , hopefully I can keep the lesson I have learned today, and smile, hopefully sprouting joy into someone's day, I hope you will too.

As Charlie Chaplan once said, 

Smile though your heart is aching 
Smile even though it's breaking. 
When there are clouds in the sky 
you'll get by. 

If you smile through your pain and sorrow 
Smile and maybe tomorrow 
You'll see the sun come shining through 
For you. 

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

I truly hope the sun will shine upon you,

Many Blessings,

For months I have been putting off doing a self portrait, I have either been to busy, something pops up that I have to take care of , or I become a little camera shy, today I actually tried to start the process, but was soon becoming involved into so much , that I was not able to do so.

I did however get about 10 minutes to myself tonight and soon wandered around taking pictures of hanging flowers, dessert that I had made and even light fixtures around the house and in the alley.

Even though I did not achieve my original goal, I still managed to get a quick snap shot of myself

I have always said, I am better photographed behind the camera 

I suppose it's true now ;)

I hope everyone has been happy, and healthy,

remember to always find a way to do what you love, even if it is not originally what you planned.

Many Blessings

Hammers and Nails, and My Deck Building Fails.

So for the past two days, my husband has been building a handicap deck for his father so he can access our house easier, and now that his father is happily retired he will be coming over more often for visits and meals.

The second day of building the deck it was just him and I laying down the rest of the boards, this included cutting notches , making sure when got the boards tight , nailing the boards down and putting in screws.... Seems simple right????

HAHA, have we met, this is me we are talking about ! I am single handedly the most uncordinated woman in Centerville.

With that said, I would have toss extension cords to use the drill and Zack would toss them back at me so I could use the nail gun ( kind of fun to use, because it's loud and it makes the job go soooo much faster)

When Zack tossed the extension cord across the deck and towards me I had to take a step back to catch it. When I took the step back I put my foot in a hole that one of my lovely dogs decided to dig, trip, fall over the air compressor and just flat eat the ground.I would like to say that my flipping around the place looked cool in some way, but that would make me a liar, and well, I don't lie. It was the most akward, clumsy mess you ever did see, feet and hands flying every where and I didn't even catch the damn cord.

To top it off I dropped boards, fell , tripped and rolled my ankle more than once. It's pretty safe to say my dreams of being a contract worker are down the drain. 

Now with that said I had to carry 12 foor boards, way heavier than they look, picked one up ( barely it was more like an awkward grasp with me shaking yelling for help) So my husband teamed up and carried to boards to the garage . There were 10 boards to carry each board I somehow managed to find holes, and knots in the ground to trip over while holding the boards. I ran into the fence God knows how many times, then finally crashed in the garage into the riding lawn mower and scuffed myself, it was horrendous crash to be honest which lead to my husband dropping the board in a fit of laughter. 

Now keep in mind I managed to still hold onto this board all while falling ( don't ask me how my body does weird things) and he DROPS the board from laughing.

It's pretty safe to say.... I am SORE.

Happiness in simplicity , not in social circles.

Sorry bloggers, my life has been so hectic I have neglected my blog, for this I apologize.

As I sit here writing, I have a glass of wine, an open window with a cool breeze , and sounds of piano softly filling my office with it's enchanting tunes. ( I am in absolute Heaven right now)

For the past few days I have been wondering what is it that makes us happy? Lucky for me I had a thought provoking and utterly lovely chat with someone who understood where I was coming from. He also, has had the same thoughts of, "Why do people go after social status/overly concerned with pop culture?"

I find that most people, instead of living a life of joy, and living a life of creative living, we as people have become so engrossed in " What's next? " "HURRY HURRY HURRY"  " What do I have to buy now , just to feel as good as you?!?!"

We have become a people who are more focused on living in the next moment, that they rush all the moments they are currently in, and rushing them so much that they can not enjoy them.

Today as I was helping finish up the deck in our backyard, I honestly thought to myself " WOW I have so much to do, I am running around like a robot 90% of my day" I laid back and just enjoyed the breezes that spring has provided and gazed at the branches above me, noticing the branches on the trees and the new sprouts of leaves that has graced my tree. Those few moments were heavenly, just a small moment can make such of a difference in your day. To lay and actually pay attention to nature, the way the wind feels, the way the sun shines, the noises around you , it's like opening your eyes for the first time in a long time...

Accumulating the newest purse or getting the newest technology will not make you happy . A piece of  material will not make your day better, it will not love you back, it will not have a conversation with you, or help you become educated ,  it will only give you something to stress about, you have to afford the product, take care of it, then eventually it goes bad. All of this induces stress.....

What happened to us? Theoretically we are all the same, and I will say this as I said in my conversation with the gentlemen whom I was speaking with. "We are all the same, a few culture changes and a language barrier, but we are ALL basically the same"

Let us remind ourselves, it's not the latest trends , toys, etc etc that make us human, that make us happy, it's what we enjoy! Lay in the sun, play in the water, create art, read a book, write a poem, sing, have a conversation with someone who is completely on the other side of the fence than you , and see how you feel.

It's not the status that makes us a success it's our passion.

As quoted by my new friend YOU are the world, I am the world as MJ said it , we are the world.

Now I say to you ladies and gentlemen, go be the world, and go relish in it.

Blessings to you.